“Can I draw you a beer Norm?”
“No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.”
“How’s a beer sound Norm?”
“I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.”
“What’s shaking Norm?”
“All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”
“What would you say to a nice beer Normie?”
“Going Down?”
“What’s new Normie?”
“Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach, and they’re demanding beer.”
“What’ll it be Normie?”
“Just the usual coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.”
“What would you say to a beer Normie?”
“Daddy wuvs you.”
“What’d you like Normie?”
“A reason to live. Give me another beer.”
“What’ll you have Normie?”
“Well I’m in a gambling mood, Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.”
“Oh, looks like beer, Norm.”
“Call me Mister Lucky.”
“What’d you say Norm?”
“Any cheap, tawdry thing that’ll get me a beer.”
“What’d you say to a beer Norm?”
“Hiya, sailor. New in town?”
[coming in from the rain] “Evening everybody”
[everybody] “Norm!”
“Still pouring Norm?”
“That’s funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Whaddya say, Norm?”
“Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.”
“Hey Norm, How’s the world been treating you?”
“Like a baby treats a diaper.”
“Would you like a beer Mr. Peterson?”
“No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.”
“How’s life treating you?”
“It’s not, Sammy, but you can.”
“What’s the story Mr. Peterson?”
“The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let’s cut to the happy ending.”
“Hey, Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.”
“I know, and if she calls, I’m not here.”
“Beer, Norm?”
“Have I gotten that predictable? Good.”
“What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
“A flashing sign in my gut that says, *Insert beer here.?”
“Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?”
“Yep, now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?”
“What’s going on Mr. Peterson?”
“Another layer for the winter, Wood.”
“Whatcha up to Norm?”
“My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”
“How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“Poor.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“No, I mean pour.”
“How’s life treating you Norm?”
“Like it caught me sleeping with its’ wife.”
“Women, can’t live with ’em…..pass the beer nuts.”
“What’s going down, Normie?”
“My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”
“Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“Alright, but stop me at one….make that one thirty.”
“How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.
“What’s the story Norm?”
“Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”
“How’s about a beer, Norm?”
“That’s that amber sudsy stuff, right? I’ve heard good things about it!”
“What’s going on Mr. Peterson?”
“The question is what’s going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.”
“Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?”
“A little early isn’t it, Woody?”
“For a beer?”
“No, for stupid Questions.”
How’s life, Norm?
Not for the squeamish, Coach.
What’s up, Norm?
My nipples. It’s freezing out there.
What’s the story, Norm?
Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.
What’s new, Norm?
Most of my wife.
Beer, Norm?
Naah, I’d probably just drink it.
What’s doing, Norm?
Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig.
How about a beer, Norm?
Hey I’m high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.
What’s up, Norm?
Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Beer, Normie?
Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I’m still young.
Norm comes in with an attractive woman.
Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
“With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.”
What’s up, Normie?
The temperature under my collar, Coach.
What’s your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I’ll settle for a beer.
How’s life, Mr. Peterson?
Oh, I’m waiting for the movie.
What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Elope with my wife.
How’s life in the fast lane, Normie?
Beats me, I can’t find the on-ramp.
What’s happening, Mr. Peterson?
The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?
What’s the latest, Mr. Peterson?
Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven.
How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
Never been better, Woody. … Just once I’d like to be better.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
See you later, Vera, I’ll be at Cheers.
Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
And I need a beer to wash him down.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, how’s life?
Well, the plot’s okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?
Nope, but I am willing to add on.
What can I get you, Norm?
[scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I’ll just drown the little suckers.
What do you know there, Norm?
How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
Hey, how’s life treating you there, Norm?
Beats me. … Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, what’s up?
The warranty on my liver.
What can I do for you Norm?
Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?
How’s life Norm?
Ask a man whose got one.
What’ll you have, Norm?
Fame, fortune, and fast women.
How ’bout a beer?
Even better.
Whatcha up to Norm?
My ears.
Beer Norm?
“Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?
Beer Norm?
I remember that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it.
