You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

-Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
—Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
–Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
–Catherine Zandonella

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
–His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
–David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
–Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
–Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
–Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
–Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
–Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
–Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
–David Moulton

People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
–Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
–Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
–Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
–Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
–George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
–Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
–For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
–Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.
–Homer Simpson

Brewers make wort. Yeast makes beer.
-Dave Miller’s Homebrewing Guide

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about beer.
— Frier Tuck, in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.
-Thomas Jefferson

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
– W.C. Fields

Payday came and with it beer.

You’ve got yoga honey, I’ve got beer.
-A Room Of Our Own, Billy Joel

A poor man can’t afford to buy cheap stuff.

Malt does more than Milton can to justify God’s ways to man.
-A. E. Housman, “A Shropshire Lad”

Then to the spicy nut-brown ale!
-John Milton

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
-Dave Barry

A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry…
-Ecclesiastes 8:15

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
-Benjamin Franklin

Climbing the hills in the heat, I could think of nothing but Gratz beer. Alas, there is none left!
-Otto Von Bismarck, 1870.

Of Doctors and medicines we have plenty more than enough….. what you may, for the love of God, send is some large quantity of beer’
-Dispatch to London from the colony, New South Wales, 1854

Everyone’s got to believe in something, I believe I’ll have another beer.
-W.C. Fields.

Q. In your opinion, what is the single most common error that I am likely to make, as a taxpayer?
A. In our opinion, that would be having light” beer in your refrigerator.
– Dave Barry

The More I Know About Beer, The More I Realize I Need To Know More About Beer!
-Rob Moline, pro brewer

Mmmmmmmmmm, beer.
-Homer Simpson

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life”
George Bernard Shaw

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
-W.C. Fields

Bot we must drynk as we brew, And that is bot reson.
-The Wakefield Master, Second Shepherds’ Play

Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day; teach a man to fish, and he’ll drink beer for a lifetime.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
-W.C. Fields

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
-W.C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
-W.C. Fields

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
-Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-Charles Bukowski

It’s better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
-Dorothy Parker

Beer – it’s not just for breakfast anymore
-Dorothy Parker

Beer: Nature’s laxative.
-Dorothy Parker

Beer. If you can’t taste it, why bother!
-Dorothy Parker

One more drink and I’d be under the host.
-Dorothy Parker

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
-Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I’m lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
-A Wolverine is Eating My Leg

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

-William Shakespeare

We are here to drink beer…. and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
-Charles Bukowski

When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out.

-Anthony Bourdain

For their own good, vegetarians should never be allowed near fine beers and ales. It will only make them loud and belligerent, and they lack the physical strength and aggressive nature to back up any drunken assertions.

-Anthony Bourdain

And wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which strengtheneth man’s heart.

-Psalm 104:15

The antediluvians were all very sober
For they had no wine and brewed in October;
All wicked, bad livers, on mischief still thinking,
For there can’t be good living
where there is not good drinking
-Benjamin Franklin